Why I love the man at "Lost Weekend Video":
Video Store Guy: (to co-worker) I hate when I have a big stack of videos to put back on the shelves and people follow me around asking me if I have such and such movie.
Me: I did that every single day for three weeks because someone wouldn't return the first disc of Californication.
Video Store Guy: I watched the first disc and couldn't wait to watch the second one and the person who had it kept it out way past due so one night after close I called him up and said, "Look, Californication is past due but if you bring it back tonight I'll waive the late fees. If you wait until tomorrow, maybe double."
Me: Ha!
Video Store Guy: The first disc was way better though, the ending on the season was terrible! He gets the girl!?
Me: Yeah, I really wanted him to end up sad and alone.
Video Store Guy: Right!?
Friday, July 25, 2008
Sunday, June 29, 2008
You shouldn't play with matches, madmen or magnets.
Yahoo's top story tonight was: ATOM SMASHER TO BE TURNED ON AUGUST 1ST
Then underneath it, it said: Scientists predict it will not suck the Earth into a black hole.
Also it stated that scientists gave it a mere one in 50 million chance of causing a global catastrophy, or the odds of winning the lottery.
Here's the thing- Every month, someone wins the lottery.
Then underneath it, it said: Scientists predict it will not suck the Earth into a black hole.
Also it stated that scientists gave it a mere one in 50 million chance of causing a global catastrophy, or the odds of winning the lottery.
Here's the thing- Every month, someone wins the lottery.
Friday, June 20, 2008
Facebook is not a Yearbook
Facebook should just go ahead and rename its "People you may know," application to "People who were in your 10th grade Biology class and you just didn't find interesting enough to keep in contact with, and you probably would have forgotten about altogether until they started popping up on the right hand side of your facebook window every time you sign on," application.
Or that may be too long, I don't know.
Or that may be too long, I don't know.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Rally L
Hey guys, remember Ghostwriter?
Yeah?
Okay, but did you remember that Samuel L. Jackson played Jamal's father?
Yeah, didn't think so.
Yeah?
Okay, but did you remember that Samuel L. Jackson played Jamal's father?
Yeah, didn't think so.
Monday, March 31, 2008
Sacagawea would be... (proud?)
Johnny Ganems, the local liquor store, does not accept gold dollar coins despite the fact that they're legal currency. Because they don't say, "In God We Trust."
Which, despite being sort of strange, is not even true.
Which, despite being sort of strange, is not even true.
Saturday, March 8, 2008
Carry On
Tim Gunn on filming his show, "Tim Gunn's Guide to Style."
We had this thing called a Fashion Therapy Kit, and I would present it to our subject on the last day of taping. And I’d give them the book ‘Tim Gunn: A Guide to Quality, Taste and Style’, with it already inscribed to her. And the person is, generally speaking, touched by the gift.
So we have a new director, and it’s Episode 6. This new director calls out from the production room, ‘Um, could we do that again and see a little less of the book?’ So I said, ‘Yeah.’ We did it again. He says, ‘No, I’m still seeing too much of the book.’ I said, ‘What’s your issue with the book?’ And he said, ‘It just feels like a little too much self-promotion.’
I paused, and then I said, ‘Self-promotion? This show is based on this book.’ He said, ‘Well, I just want to see a little less of it.’ So we do it again, and he said, ‘No, I’m still seeing too much of the book.’ So I said, ‘I can take care of that.’
I take the book, I walk through the set that is my office, I walk into the dressing room, where there is a window, and I throw the book out the window. I come back to my place on the set, and I say, ‘You don’t have to worry about seeing the book again.’
The crew and everyone is slackjawed. So then I say, because I’m on a roll at this point, ‘Oh my gosh, I see more of those dreadful books on the bookshelf!’ So I go over, I gather all the books up, I walk through the set, through the dressing room and throw all of them out the window. Then I return to my place on the set. So that’s my one diva moment.
We had this thing called a Fashion Therapy Kit, and I would present it to our subject on the last day of taping. And I’d give them the book ‘Tim Gunn: A Guide to Quality, Taste and Style’, with it already inscribed to her. And the person is, generally speaking, touched by the gift.
So we have a new director, and it’s Episode 6. This new director calls out from the production room, ‘Um, could we do that again and see a little less of the book?’ So I said, ‘Yeah.’ We did it again. He says, ‘No, I’m still seeing too much of the book.’ I said, ‘What’s your issue with the book?’ And he said, ‘It just feels like a little too much self-promotion.’
I paused, and then I said, ‘Self-promotion? This show is based on this book.’ He said, ‘Well, I just want to see a little less of it.’ So we do it again, and he said, ‘No, I’m still seeing too much of the book.’ So I said, ‘I can take care of that.’
I take the book, I walk through the set that is my office, I walk into the dressing room, where there is a window, and I throw the book out the window. I come back to my place on the set, and I say, ‘You don’t have to worry about seeing the book again.’
The crew and everyone is slackjawed. So then I say, because I’m on a roll at this point, ‘Oh my gosh, I see more of those dreadful books on the bookshelf!’ So I go over, I gather all the books up, I walk through the set, through the dressing room and throw all of them out the window. Then I return to my place on the set. So that’s my one diva moment.
Friday, February 29, 2008
True Story
My grandmother is a character. Seriously. Once at a party she grandly announced, "Something in this room has been in a boat!" When asked what it was, she couldn't remember. For my eleventh birthday she gave me a beaded tassel.
So, tonight my mom was supposed to go to a gallery opening with her. Just as my mom was about to leave the house, the phone rang. It was my grandmother. In some sort of bizarre mistake, after getting dressed she went to her dresser to spray herself with perfume and sprayed herself with turpentine instead.
And then she no longer wanted to go out because she smelled bad.
So, tonight my mom was supposed to go to a gallery opening with her. Just as my mom was about to leave the house, the phone rang. It was my grandmother. In some sort of bizarre mistake, after getting dressed she went to her dresser to spray herself with perfume and sprayed herself with turpentine instead.
And then she no longer wanted to go out because she smelled bad.
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