Everything that Glitters is Gold

ohnicoleashly [8:32 PM]: I'm not sleeping with him ohnicoleashly [8:32 PM]: he's got a gf ohnicoleashly [8:32 PM]: I'm not some sort of.... ohnicoleashly [8:32 PM]: homewrecker. god. leia Leia Darling [8:32 PM]: that's not a home. thats a sublease. ohnicoleashly [8:32 PM]: OMG ohnicoleashly [8:33 PM]: hahahahahhaha ohnicoleashly [8:33 PM]: rent to own

Ladies and Gentleman of the Jury:

Nicole: You are soooo drunk.

Me: Nicole, I'm not a mirror.

I Speak My Own Sins

This summer I:

- Spent two and a half months without a car in San Francisco.
- Wore a coat almost every single day.
- Did a lot of things I "never do."
- Met a whole lot of people that I've been hearing stories about for four years.
- Lived on my own 3/4 of the week and survived.
- Learned the BART like the back of my hand, and rode it almost every day.
- Endured 100 degree weather for a week without air conditioning.
- Almost got to hug a healing nun.
- Met a guy who went to Johnson High School at an international hostel.
- Went to a psychic who requires reservations two months in advance.
- Was in San Francisco when gay marriage was legalized and watched a lot of people get married.
- Kissed Claire at Gay Pride for charity.
- Was a guest of honor at the U.S. Coast Gaurd's Change of Command ceremony and party
- (Sort of) Learned how to swing dance.
- Spent eleven hours at the Bloomingdale's Mall with a pillow and a suitcase.
- Got comp tickets to a costume party at Bondage A Go-Go that was featured on Playboy T.V.
- Learned the name of every single person who worked at the 7/11 in the Mission.
- sat in V.I.P. box seats at a Dresden Dolls concert.
- Went on a road trip for the first time as the driver.
- Spent a weekend stranded in Atlanta after my car broke down on said road trip.
- Sang the lead singer of Panic at the Disco his own song over the phone.
- Took a lot of pictures, but not nearly enough.

There's More to Life than Books, You Know.

Me: I have to write a summary of my first memory, what I think it means and how I feel about men and women in relation to that first memory.

Caroline: My first memory is of dropping a plastic ring in the grass and trying to find it. I don't know what that means, but it sure makes me hate men.

Are You Afraid of the Dark?

When I stay up this late lines between the real and imaginary seem to blur. I fall asleep in the morning, I wake up in the afternoon or the evening. I can't remember if thoughts I've had were in real life or in my dreams. I can't sort out whether conversations I recall actually occured or not and if they did, who they were with. I start reading words wrong, reading sentances wrong.

I stay up long after I feel sick and something inside just will not let me go to sleep. Not until morning. Not until its safe.

What's done is done is done is done.

Me: The only thing keeping me from killing someone today is that I really, really don't want to go to jail.

Nicole: Don't let that stop you! You'd go to girl jail, its just like a giant sleepover every night.

Example: It kind of sneaks up on you.

My phone doesn't keep sent text messages. Which is usually only mildly annoying as I can generally remember what I said long enough to understand the response.

The only time its ever severely annoying is when I wake up Saturday morning after having a few cocktails the night before finding messages like, "I agree." in my inbox.

To what, I may never know.

These are the things you learn about yourself when you stay up past 4am.

I really, really do not understand why every commercial about achieving financial success involves an older couple painting a chair in their garage.

Or why this quiz I had to take for psychology says that I have low self esteem and a moderate bias towards being sad over being angry.

Or why it is impossible for me to sleep lately.

Barbie Hell House

When you live somewhere long enough, through enough, you start to attach memories to everything, and in a town that never changes that's a dangerous thing. You can get so caught up in those memories that its impossible to make any new ones.

Savannah is starting to seem like a giant doll house to me. It seems to be shrinking every day and I'm seeing it more and more from an ariel perspective. I know exactly when and where to go if I want to see someone. Everyone is always exactly where I left them, doing the same shit, saying the same things waiting for me to come and move them someplace else.

Cahro-liiiih-hine.

Me: She was so mad that I misquoted the lyrics, but I was trying to make them about you.

Caroline: I appreciate that. I like it when people make things about me.

She's the cocaine to my Lindsay Lohan.

Nicole: We're going to get shot in the parking lot of this Kroger and our last words will have been, "Guys should never have bangs."

Me: At least I will have died standing up for something I believe in.

"To quote The Clash, should I stay or should I rock the casbah?"

Why I love the man at "Lost Weekend Video":

Video Store Guy: (to co-worker) I hate when I have a big stack of videos to put back on the shelves and people follow me around asking me if I have such and such movie.

Me: I did that every single day for three weeks because someone wouldn't return the first disc of Californication.

Video Store Guy: I watched the first disc and couldn't wait to watch the second one and the person who had it kept it out way past due so one night after close I called him up and said, "Look, Californication is past due but if you bring it back tonight I'll waive the late fees. If you wait until tomorrow, maybe double."

Me: Ha!

Video Store Guy: The first disc was way better though, the ending on the season was terrible! He gets the girl!?

Me: Yeah, I really wanted him to end up sad and alone.

Video Store Guy: Right!?

You shouldn't play with matches, madmen or magnets.

Yahoo's top story tonight was: ATOM SMASHER TO BE TURNED ON AUGUST 1ST


Then underneath it, it said: Scientists predict it will not suck the Earth into a black hole.

Also it stated that scientists gave it a mere one in 50 million chance of causing a global catastrophy, or the odds of winning the lottery.

Here's the thing- Every month, someone wins the lottery.

Facebook is not a Yearbook

Facebook should just go ahead and rename its "People you may know," application to "People who were in your 10th grade Biology class and you just didn't find interesting enough to keep in contact with, and you probably would have forgotten about altogether until they started popping up on the right hand side of your facebook window every time you sign on," application.

Or that may be too long, I don't know.

Rally L

Hey guys, remember Ghostwriter?

Yeah?

Okay, but did you remember that Samuel L. Jackson played Jamal's father?

Yeah, didn't think so.

Sacagawea would be... (proud?)

Johnny Ganems, the local liquor store, does not accept gold dollar coins despite the fact that they're legal currency. Because they don't say, "In God We Trust."

Which, despite being sort of strange, is not even true.

Carry On

Tim Gunn on filming his show, "Tim Gunn's Guide to Style."

We had this thing called a Fashion Therapy Kit, and I would present it to our subject on the last day of taping. And I’d give them the book ‘Tim Gunn: A Guide to Quality, Taste and Style’, with it already inscribed to her. And the person is, generally speaking, touched by the gift.

So we have a new director, and it’s Episode 6. This new director calls out from the production room, ‘Um, could we do that again and see a little less of the book?’ So I said, ‘Yeah.’ We did it again. He says, ‘No, I’m still seeing too much of the book.’ I said, ‘What’s your issue with the book?’ And he said, ‘It just feels like a little too much self-promotion.’

I paused, and then I said, ‘Self-promotion? This show is based on this book.’ He said, ‘Well, I just want to see a little less of it.’ So we do it again, and he said, ‘No, I’m still seeing too much of the book.’ So I said, ‘I can take care of that.’

I take the book, I walk through the set that is my office, I walk into the dressing room, where there is a window, and I throw the book out the window. I come back to my place on the set, and I say, ‘You don’t have to worry about seeing the book again.’

The crew and everyone is slackjawed. So then I say, because I’m on a roll at this point, ‘Oh my gosh, I see more of those dreadful books on the bookshelf!’ So I go over, I gather all the books up, I walk through the set, through the dressing room and throw all of them out the window. Then I return to my place on the set. So that’s my one diva moment.

True Story

My grandmother is a character. Seriously. Once at a party she grandly announced, "Something in this room has been in a boat!" When asked what it was, she couldn't remember. For my eleventh birthday she gave me a beaded tassel.

So, tonight my mom was supposed to go to a gallery opening with her. Just as my mom was about to leave the house, the phone rang. It was my grandmother. In some sort of bizarre mistake, after getting dressed she went to her dresser to spray herself with perfume and sprayed herself with turpentine instead.

And then she no longer wanted to go out because she smelled bad.

Next Month: National Ethics Awareness Month

February is National Sinus Pain Awareness month. So, to celebrate I contracted myself a case of the flu. Along with the sinus pain I was also aware of coughing, sore throat, body aches, a 104.9 fever and semi-delusional behavior.

I slept pretty much the entire weekend except for when I woke up to have this conversation with Chris:

Me: Are you guys trying to win a Barry Bottle contest?

Chris:(the only other person in the room) ...what?

Me: Barry Bottle strings.

Chris: What are you talking about? Do you have a fever?

Me: No! I'm talking about a real thing!

Chris: What are you talking about?

Me: Uh... uhm. I don't remember.

Spice Up Your Life!

I went to Boston this week to see the Spice Girls reunion tour with Jewelia. (Which, if you haven't spiced up your life recently, I highly recommend.) The day after the concert we had a few hours in Boston before our flight and we ate at the Cheers bar. No one knew my name, but the appetizers were pretty good and afterwards we discovered the "freedom trail," a red brick road that takes you to all the historical sites in downtown Boston.

The first place that we stopped was the Colonial Cemetery. Along with Sam Adams and John Hancock, Mother Goose is buried there! Her name was actually Elizabeth Goose and while her tombstone was stolen years ago you can still see the tombstone of Mr. Goose's first wife, Mary.

My favorite grave though was Mr. James Nickols, who I like to believe was so infamous that no biographical information needed to be engraved on his tombstone.

We also learned that in the 1960s one of the tombstones went missing and the police had no leads UNTIL several people complained that the pizza they had bought at a certain pizza place had an epitaph baked into the bottom.

Yeah.

WTF Calm Announcer Lady?

Is anyone else completely freaked out by the new prescription drug side affects that have been popping up nonchalantly in commercials lately?

Have restless legs? Try Mirapex- just look out for anxiousness, trouble sleeping and increased gambling.

Can't Sleep? Why not just pop an Ambien. What's the worst that could happen? Apparently talking, walking, eating and driving while asleep.

Of course, if any of these things happen to you, you should consult a physician. If you still have money to pay them or a car to get there.

Savannah College of Attitude and Disorganization

Yesterday, I was denied access into the building where my class was because I didn't have the proper sticker on my ID. No one bothered to tell me that I needed this sticker, and because I didn't have it I wasn't allowed into the building. I wasn't even allowed to let my professor know why I was going to be late.

So. I finally find the building where I can secure this sticker, and after spending around 45 minutes trying to find someplace to park, I park in a handicapped space and walk into the building.

And they won't let me in. Because my ID doesn't have the sticker.

Ephemeral and Fleeting

This week I found out that a good friend of mine is planning to move away. I am sad to see her go, but very happy that I got the chance to be a part of her life. Although we did not get to hang out with each other very often, she was someone I always looked forward to seeing. I saw things in her that I wanted to strengthen in myself, and because of that she always fascinated me. I wanted to be her friend since I first met her and, although she was always surrounded by people, sometimes it just seemed like she needed one.

I talked to her on the phone a few nights ago and she thanked me for my friendship and for being there. It is strange how often it is I don't learn someone's feelings for me until they are gone. I feel lucky that I was given a chance to know her and even luckier to be her friend.

Acadamia

Things I Learned This Week:
- Congress has banned the use of all non-fluorescent light bulbs by the year 2010
- Savannah burns its trash instead of taking it to a landfill
- Plastic bags have been banned in San Francisco and grocery stores
- Only three colors were mentioned in the bible: red, white and black

Things I Learned This Week in School:
- SCAD professors are not allowed to let their classes out early. Even if they have nothing to say.

Will You Be Saving 100% Today?

So tonight Pat and Claire sat me down and told me all of the numerous ways to steal things from Barnes and Noble. It's dangerous knowledge to have, but I think I am content buying my books for now. I mean, I just got a membership card, might as well get my 10% discount.

2008

New Years Resolutions:

-Write more
-Read more
-Try harder

New years are the best times for new beginnings. You get to write a new year at the top of every piece of paper, and somehow that seems to separate you from that other time when you used to write that other number at the top of your paper. Last year I wasn't in a place where I felt ready to actively try to make things better. This year will be better.